i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
