i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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