Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
