I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
