Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
