He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
