in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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