The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Im part way to drunk.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
