Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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