please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
