Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
