WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
