Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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