Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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