I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
