He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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