if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
