My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
