after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
