Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
