Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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