I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
