remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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