have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
