Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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