also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
