Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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