i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
