He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
