You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
