I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
false alarm. still invincible.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
