Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
