dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
