I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
