I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
