I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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