My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
