why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
