Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
