she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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