So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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