I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
