i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
