Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
