what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
