We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
