4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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