You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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