I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
