At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
