I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
