I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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