So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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