This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I can tuck mytits in my pants
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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