I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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