yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
fuck your aforementioned shoe
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
